The Good News? There Is Life After Divorce

by Lucille Uttermohlen

She dumped you, and it hurt like the Celestial Barbecue Pit. Now, you sit around your apartment, or your parent's basement, wondering what happened. You cling to your old life, hoping against hope that something will happen to bring it back. It probably won't, but even if it does, do you still want it?

Your divorce may be the best thing that ever happened to you. Something went wrong while you were together that caused the marriage to end. Whether it was your fault or hers, the fact is that your goals and desires were incompatible. If you wanted to start a family and he didn't, or she thought running the credit cards up for her collection of the ugliest dolls you ever saw was a reasonable use of resources, it doesn't matter. The bottom line is that whatever the dispute happened to be, there wasn't a compromise that you were both ready to make. Dwelling on your past won't make that basic inability to agree on your priorities go away, and you may as well face it.

Of course, no one expects you to sing "Happy Days Are Here Again", or do cart wheels of joy when your heart is newly broken. You do need a little time to lick your wounds and heal your hurt before forcing yourself to interact with the greater world. Still, you should take steps as soon as possible to build a new life for yourself. Otherwise, you will get out of the habit of living, and that would be a waste of a perfectly good person.

Come on, the rest of us can benefit from your talents and abilities. Don't bury them in sadness for a person who has proven that he or she is not for you. You deserve the good life you'll have when you let yourself start over. It may be hard at first, but once you start, you'll wonder how your ex ever had the power to hold you down.
Start visiting your old friends and family again. You may be a little embarrassed at first. No one wants to admit when something so important falls apart. However, these folks love you, and after they ask a couple awkward questions, you know you will be more than welcome to rejoin the fold.

Go back to church if that's your thing. There is something to be said for the kinds of social groups that go with religion. Besides, if there is one part of your life that could use nourishment, it is your spirit.

Volunteer your time. No kill animal shelters or your local soup kitchen will be glad to put you to work. You are bound to meet other good people who want to do something good for the community. Maybe you'll even meet the love of your life while you're at it. Even if you don't, it beats sitting around feeling unloved and lonely on an otherwise splendid Saturday night.

About the Author:

Lucille Uttermohlen practiced family law for 31 years. She loved her clients,
and enjoyed the research,but she wasn't that fond of the system itself, so
she moved to Texas,and started writing full time.
If you have a question about your own case, write to and, of course, you are encouraged to
pick up your free copy of "Your Pocket Divorce Dictionary" at

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