Breakup Letter

Submitted 01/08/16

Dear Dearest,

I’m sure by this point in your life you’re aware that you carry a deep and festering emotional void, I don’t need to tell you this but at least I had the decency never to bring it up. One of the many things that made the way you treated me at the end painful is how you projected your own feelings of low self worth and emotional immaturity onto me. What’s more, you knew exactly what kind of image of yourself you created for me by treating me as if I were disposable (and until now, replaceable), but you didn’t care. As long as you felt you were being honest, you treated me however you saw fit, which ended up being a shameful reflection on your character. Of all the incredibly self-righteous sophisms, the one which sickens me the most is how you tried to place blame on me in the end. I did nothing wrong, and you treated me as if I had cheated on you. I understand that you’re particularly sensitive to such things, which is why I even bothered to try and prove you wrong by staying and talking about it.

You spoke of confirmation biases, well perhaps it’s time you look at yourself through such a lens. You acted cruelly, and in a moment of weakness you let your narcissism get the best of you by disguising it as you a being a sensitive soul to avoid talking about your own insecurities. How dare you resort to being so manipulative as to even suggest getting drunk and having sex. You managed to turn something that was sacred to me into something dirty and which I now feel ashamed of, you knew I was weak in the knees for you and you used it for your own gain. It makes me ill that I fell for it. I truly believe that you should have looked at yourself, and your own unfathomable hypocrisy in this situation before you pointed fingers at me. You devastated me without remorse or second thought, and I’m let under the impression that you planned to all along. I wonder still how anyone could be so hypocritical and manipulative as to get so upset over my joke app when you’d used it to actually look for other people. You were right when you said you’re simply "tired of using me". This reflects who you are David. In all honesty, it’s I who is unspeakably embarrassed to have allowed myself to try so hard to build something meaningful with you. Your ego will surely recover unhindered by whatever/whomever you have planned to do when you return to London.

I wanted you to be with me because you WANTED to, not because I’d forced you into anything, for you to act the way you did at the possibility of me acting in the same way you do is absolutely nauseating. Allowing you to be involved with people when you’re home came from a place of trust, faith our communication, and confidence in myself and my own value. It’s was never my job to make you see that value, but it is most certainly your loss. As hard as I’ve tried to be the loving, soft hearted and understanding woman I know I will remain for future loves, you have really tested me by implying that I in any way lack self worth, it was at these moments when I realized just how weak you really are, to act on your assumptions and project your biggest weaknesses onto me. It’s always been about you.

My greatest happiness is to divest myself in you, and leave your incurable emptiness behind. I tried really hard for you, and made sacrifices which you took for granted. You’ve closed yourself off and as a result offer nothing of substance and hence no reason for me to stay. I guess you could say that "I’m bored of using you" as well, but more disillusioned than anything. Of all the doomed wastes of manhood and opportunities for growth, your wasted potential is the most pitiful I’ve ever seen. Perhaps it was truly a (most likely unintentional) act of altruism and selflessness on your part in letting me go. I can only hope that you do not continue to stagnate in your own pride and selfish personal greed. As of now I’ll be working on forgiving myself for ever believing so ardently that there was hope for us.

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