Breakup Letter
Submitted 01/08/16
Dear Dearest,
I’m sure by this point in your life you’re aware that you carry a deep and festering
emotional void, I don’t need to tell you this but at least I had the decency never
to bring it up. One of the many things that made the way you treated me at the end
painful is how you projected your own feelings of low self worth and emotional
immaturity onto me. What’s more, you knew exactly what kind of image of yourself
you created for me by treating me as if I were disposable (and until now, replaceable),
but you didn’t care. As long as you felt you were being honest, you treated me however
you saw fit, which ended up being a shameful reflection on your character. Of all the
incredibly self-righteous sophisms, the one which sickens me the most is how you tried
to place blame on me in the end. I did nothing wrong, and you treated me as if I had
cheated on you. I understand that you’re particularly sensitive to such things, which
is why I even bothered to try and prove you wrong by staying and talking about it.
You spoke of confirmation biases, well perhaps it’s time you look at yourself through
such a lens. You acted cruelly, and in a moment of weakness you let your narcissism
get the best of you by disguising it as you a being a sensitive soul to avoid talking
about your own insecurities. How dare you resort to being so manipulative as to even
suggest getting drunk and having sex. You managed to turn something that was sacred
to me into something dirty and which I now feel ashamed of, you knew I was weak in
the knees for you and you used it for your own gain. It makes me ill that I fell for
it. I truly believe that you should have looked at yourself, and your own unfathomable
hypocrisy in this situation before you pointed fingers at me. You devastated me without
remorse or second thought, and I’m let under the impression that you planned to all
along. I wonder still how anyone could be so hypocritical and manipulative as to get
so upset over my joke app when you’d used it to actually look for other people. You
were right when you said you’re simply "tired of using me". This reflects who you
are David. In all honesty, it’s I who is unspeakably embarrassed to have allowed
myself to try so hard to build something meaningful with you. Your ego will surely
recover unhindered by whatever/whomever you have planned to do when you return to
London.
I wanted you to be with me because you WANTED to, not because I’d forced
you into anything, for you to act the way you did at the possibility of me acting
in the same way you do is absolutely nauseating. Allowing you to be involved with
people when you’re home came from a place of trust, faith our communication, and
confidence in myself and my own value. It’s was never my job to make you see that
value, but it is most certainly your loss. As hard as I’ve tried to be the loving,
soft hearted and understanding woman I know I will remain for future loves, you
have really tested me by implying that I in any way lack self worth, it was at these
moments when I realized just how weak you really are, to act on your assumptions and
project your biggest weaknesses onto me. It’s always been about you.
My greatest happiness is to divest myself in you, and leave your incurable emptiness behind.
I tried really hard for you, and made sacrifices which you took for granted. You’ve
closed yourself off and as a result offer nothing of substance and hence no reason
for me to stay. I guess you could say that "I’m bored of using you" as well, but more
disillusioned than anything. Of all the doomed wastes of manhood and opportunities
for growth, your wasted potential is the most pitiful I’ve ever seen. Perhaps it was
truly a (most likely unintentional) act of altruism and selflessness on your part in
letting me go. I can only hope that you do not continue to stagnate in your own pride
and selfish personal greed. As of now I’ll be working on forgiving myself for ever
believing so ardently that there was hope for us.
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